Me
- By
Sokharany Thong, Poly High
Polytechnical High School
- Long
Beach, CA
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- My goal in life is to grow
as me. Their hope in life is what I should be. My music
is hip-hop and alternative. Their music is traditional
and conservative. My weekend is spent going out and
talking on
the phone. Their weekend is spent lecturing me about
spending more time with the family, not on my own. I want
to dress like a model to go to a party at my best
friends’ house, they want me to go to the temple to
confess my sins, dressed in a long blue skirt and white
puffy blouse. I feel confident about my new grades, my
future, and my life. They feel I don’t need that
confidence but more practice with housework as if
practicing to be a housewife. Sometimes I wonder why I
cannot grow to be me and not what they think I should be.
Oh, how much I want to tell them what I plan to be, but
every time I look in their eyes all I could see is me. I
was always first in their hearts. That’s what makes
it so hard. They love me, they care for me, struggle with
me, support me, and raise me, BUT THEY DON’T KNOW
THE REAL ME. When we argue, I remain silent, they sound
violent. When I get A’s after each semester, I come
home and am still treated like a spoiled little kid.
Instead, all I got was a question “you did?”
They make me sit down and watch Cambodian Television with
them. Sometimes old movies which were outdated even
before I was born would come on and they would I expect
me to be interested in something I had never grown to
love and appreciate. This is America, I learn to be an
American. I can understand the talk about loving your
culture and country, but please don’t expect me to
act or behave in traditional ways. I feel I need more
time to learn and understand the meaning of me. Growing
as a Khmer child, maybe that’s the reason why my
parents behave the way they do and my reluctance to
listen. What they feel, I can’t associate. What they
want, I can’t give. What they expect, I can’t
promise. When they forgive, I forget. And forgetting is
what I do best. When they look at me, I turn away. When
they touch me, I move away. When they want to hold and
hug me, I push them away. Not until I can look into their
eyes and feel the love they have for me, then I’ll
know what they want is what I want.
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